The Princess Treatment

David Pihl

I live in Utah, where every young lady is taught from the age of five that she should only date and marry a man who knows how to treat her like a Princess.

So I have decided to redouble my efforts to treat the women in my life like princesses. I have a new goal.

From now on, I pledge to lock the woman in my life up in the tower of my castle, until her hair is three stories tall.

I promise to sequester her in a cottage deep in the forest where they will not have access to phone, internet, television, or even telegram and snail mail service.

I will keep her in a cottage where she will share tight quarters with lots of little people, and no running water.

I promise to auction off her dresses for charity after only one wearing.

I promise to leak stories to the tabloids about her on a regular basis.

I promise to scold her for choosing the wrong utensil in a 12 course meal, and constantly badger her about remembering the “noblesse oblige.”

I promise to feed her poison apples that put her to sleep for years on end.

I promise to love her so much that when I can’t remember what she looks like, I’ll try her lost shoe on every woman in my kingdom.

I promise to lock her away until she can spin straw into gold thread.

In short, I promise to give her the royal treatment whenever and wherever I can.

David Gregory Pihl has been writing for books and magazines since the age of sixteen, and is presently a regular contributor to an on line social media web site called “Facebook.”  He works as a chauffeur during the ski season, and works odd jobs the rest of the year. He spends every spare dollar, and every minute that he can on his children